Thoughts in November

I have been thinking and feeling about the accomplishment that this blog/website represents. I have concluded that I need to congratulate myself on this accomplishment without needing others to do so for me. This is primarily a display of my life’s work. It includes much finished work and work in progress. It is a large collection of writing, music and videos. My writing spans six genres, just as soon as I start uploading my non-fiction work. I have much more poetry to upload. I am proud of the work I’ve done and the fact that in the face of extreme financial and circumstantial hardship I have kept writing, kept my hat in the ring, so to speak. People used to refer to George W. as “all hat and no cattle..” and I would have to say that in my case I am hat and cattle combined! Here you have the HAT AND THE CATTLE of my entire life.

The only thing that really means more to me are my three children. They’ve given me much more than any creative project has done, they have been the reason I continue to work at all. Even though they are adults now I think of them continuously and daily. I admit I was not the greatest mom and I will win no awards. I struggled with being a single parent, we were poor and I was in denial about that–I kept trying to live a middle class life on poverty wages. I hid from myself my own sense of shame and inferiority and blew it out with a lot of false bravado. I tried to create a world of creativity and fun when we never had enough to eat. It was a disconnect that I am only beginning to realize. Be that as it may, I am holding the candle of light for my three beautiful lights. So yes, nothing will ever take the place of your kids–they are everything. But my grandchildren might be said to be my stories. Some of them decidedly dark and strange, perhaps bitter and angry, but nevertheless true expression of who I am as a writer, as a musician, as a kind of curmudgeon slash pundit in the modern world of the 21st Century. This century where many changes occur, both subtle and overwhelming.